8 in 2

The past 6 months have been pretty emotional and draining. While I keep my personal life separate from my blog I can’t help but to want to reach out and talk. To express my feelings, to share my thoughts and to ask for help and support.

I used to be able to do that. But a few individuals made me think twice about what I share. Using my very own innocent words against me in a way that made me want to go into hiding. I hate that there are people out there that think they have to power to do that to me. It makes me sick to my stomach every single day of my life.

But I cannot live in fear and in pain. I have nothing to hide nor should I feel bad about what I think or do. I am stronger than that. I am me and nothing more or less.

Well a little more.

It started at Christmas… and hasn’t ever stopped.

{sweets}

Like this…

I am an emotional eater. Always have been. Luckily I learned to control my cravings by eating healthy foods, working out and not letting myself eat an over abundance amount of sweets or carbs. I joke that I could easily be a 125 pound diabetic. No joke.

Ok, so take the sweets. Add no running or gym time and add a new job that has me sitting most of the day. And what does that equal?

10 pounds.

I haven’t had to worry about my weight in a few years and it felt amazing. I ate clean and I felt healthy. The past few months I have slowly felt my pants get tighter and seen my love handles start to emerge. I feel yuck. I feel heavy. I feel soft and out of shape. And I am definitely not looking forward to summer.

10 pounds is not a lot. And I am not over weight. But 10 pounds is a lot when it is un wanted and un needed.

I pretty much need to kick myself in the ass and start to get on track again. I have started working at the gym again which has helped my overall mood and stress levels. And it helps me eat more consciously and effectively.

I know this post is a total contradiction to my last post. But sometimes a cupcake IS needed.

So here is my plan: lose a pound a week for the next 2 months. That will put me down in my normal weight which is between 120 – 123.

This is not a diet. Because I don’t diet. I pretty much hate everything about that four letter word. I just need something to get myself back on track with my eating and exercise level. To remind myself how amazing I feel when I eat a high raw diet and when I am able sweat 4-5 times a week.

So thank you for letting me ramble. Thank you for the support and thank you for the strength. You are all amazing and I am so glad I can be part of such a positive blogging community.