Slow down a little…

I have been getting caught up lately. Caught up on mindless internet searches, negative thoughts, un-happy memories. Instead of enjoying life. My life. I don’t own a TV – I haven’t had a TV in several years. I like it like that. But what I do have is a phone, an iPad and a laptop… which can be just as bad. It’s a love hate relationship.
I have so many wishes, dreams and goals that I can easily feel overwhelmed. I try to do too much – pretty much every thing at once. And I don’t allow anything the manifest into something great. I am stuck in the NOW. Instead of being present with my surroundings and having a little patience. I have been comparing myself to others which has had a very negative effect. I read amazing blogs, research successful individuals and review top of the line products. I am always so amazed and fascinated with the people behind them. I want to pick their brain – what did you do? How long did it take you? But most importantly: What am I doing wrong? This behavior stems from High School. I was not the most popular person in school. I was in art and drama, and consumed myself with writing poetry, sewing and just being me. I *think* I was happy. But even then I remember comparing myself to others.
If I could have that… If I could look her… If I could be perfect… then maybe I would be happy. This mind set has really started to become a negative factor in my life lately. I am coming up on my 10 year High School reunion (GO KODIAKS!) and I feel I have not accomplished very much in my life. I look at other classmates that are traveling the world, have successful careers, have a happy families… I am so happy for them. I am sure they worked their ass off to get to where they are at. And they deserve everything in life that they want.
And then there are others that are less fortunate than I am. And I feel sad. I want to give to them – a hug, a smile, a piece of advice, a bowl of soul mending soup… or maybe my last dollar. 
And here I sit… feeling I’m stuck in the middle. The middle of my life and I don’t know where to go next. I see where I want to go, I can taste where I want to be… but how? How do I get there?
Ok, so back to my original thought of spending too much time on the internet. I have been obsessively searching sites, trying to get some inspiration… but all that ends up happening is hours wasted and I feel even more behind than I was before.
And I get mad. Upset. Frustrated. Sad… Then the little voice starts – the why’s get asked, the how’s start to become overwhelming and it just seems like too much.

I think, just maybe, I have found some of the answers I have been needing.
I need to stop the comparing. I need to stop the negative talk. And focus on one thing: ME. 
Because all of the tools are in front of me. I just need to use them. I need to clear out the clutter. Let the sun shine in. Look at bumps as challenges. The hard times will pass and eventually they will not matter. I need to look at my life with purpose. An opportunity to do anything that I want to do! I am in control. YOU are in control.
My life is not perfect… and your life is not perfect.
My little advice that I hope you can take away from this: Find your voice, search for your purpose… and if you are not happy then examine what it is that is bringing you down. Chances are you have the answer… you just need to find it.

I really do hope this helps. Someone. I know it has helped me examine my thoughts and voice just by writing it down.
Be well, friends.

Healthy eating & living!