So I think I need to get a little personal right now and open up.
Still to this day I freak out inside (my head) if I know I cannot get in a workout. I start thinking about gaining weight, what I have eaten, what I shouldn’t have eaten, etc. I hate it. Even though I workout for my own health, I still look at as a way to lose weight. I still have a small percentage of body fat that I would like to reduce and some toning I would like to perfect.
I may have to start sucking it up and taking J to the gym instead of waiting for Marc to watch him. He really does not want him around daycare settings and the germs. I don’t blame him but it is getting very hard for me to rely on his ever changing schedule. Example: I usually workout at night after I put J down. I always have. But now that Marc referee’s his matches can run long; like tonight. I was planning on going to the gym tonight – I started a running plan to get my endurance up. It’s getting late, 8:30, I haven’t eaten much for dinner and really don’t want to until I go – running on a semi full belly is no fun. :sigh: I can feel the anxiety come up in my throat and the water well in my eyes. It makes me feel weak, like I have no control and I start to become jealous of others.
If only I looked like her ::::: Why can’t that be me ::::: Then I would be happy
Even though I have come a long way in feeling great about myself, it doesn’t feel like it at times.